Things are getting greener.
Retirement is a blank piece of paper. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
-Patrick Foley
Yesterday was a good day for a Waldo-walk. The temperature was cool, in the mid-50s, and the sky overcast. Just the kind of day for a trek that anyone with a sable birthday suit would ask for. There was a light breeze and the humidity was tolerable. All the trees were fully foliated, although some, like the mighty oaks, still had baby leaves. Walking on the trail was like meandering through a puffy green tube, fragrant and vibrant with bird song.
Waldo was occasionally hanging back, being ever vigilant for the threat of an errant bicycle attacking us from the rear, but not reluctant to walk, like he is on a warm day. He seemed perfectly happy to be out here on our rail-trail patrol, making sure that everything was as it should be – every smell in its proper place. On our way back, we came upon Ali, someone who we see often out there in the woods, but seldom talk to very much. Yesterday, we walked and talked for a good hour.
Waldo and I have made a good life in retirement. Our wants are simple and easily assuaged. We’re able to keep the hours of our days full of moments that are interesting enough. The challenges and goals of the past are in the past – we have moved on. I haven’t felt a need to replace the search for a better future with something else; I just let it go. Waldo and I are content with what we have. This cannot be said for all people who have retired.
Ali is a retired software engineer who bought one of the condos that were built on Ash Street, next to the trail, a couple of years ago. He is a naturalized citizen who has lived and worked in this country for decades. His daughter lives in Germany, where her job sent her, and his son lives and works in Hawaii. The condo he owns is fairly large, I’d guess somewhere around 2400 square feet, and has three floors. Ali lives there alone; I don’t know the particulars as to why.
As we made our way down the tarmac, we talked about a number of things, including what it’s like to be retired. Ali told me he didn’t like retirement because he doesn’t know how to fill the empty hours without the structure of work. The condo he lives in is large for one person and that makes his loneliness even worse. He’s currently finishing his basement, not because he needs the space, but because he doesn’t know what else to do with himself. International travel is something he always enjoyed in the past, money is not problem, but he doesn’t like to travel alone, so he hasn’t gone anywhere since he retired. Ali spends more time walking further on the rail trail than Waldo and I do. I don’t think he’s depressed about his circumstances so much as he’s frustrated by a problem I don’t understand, whose solution he hasn’t yet worked out.
Ali doesn’t walk as much as he does just to fill the hours of the day. Even while he was working, he would come out to the trail to walk for hours after dark. No one else would be out there, just him. Walking was a great stress reliever and it kept him in good shape while he was absorbed in his career. Not once did he mention the simple joy of being out walking in the woods, but I think that was not because it wasn’t there so much as because it was an obvious fact and not germane to the problem at hand – how to adjust to retirement.
Making connections with other people has been a problem for him. His estimation of it was that most of the elderly people he meets are in couples and it’s somehow awkward for a single person to interact with those who are paired-up. He seemed to feel that he was overlooked by those in a relationship and it made him feel somewhat ostracized. I’ve heard that from Phyllis as well, though I don’t notice it. I could have suggested the obvious tactic of getting a dog, but I don’t think it would have treated what was really bothering him. I regaled him with my experience travelling and briefly connecting with all kinds of people, men and women, young and old, couples, small groups of friends and solo adventurers, but it didn’t seem to offer Ali an alternative way to interact with others.
I can’t claim to understand Ali after only one hour’s conversation. But he doesn’t seem very happy, or even satisfied, in his retirement. It isn’t unusual for retirees to feel lonely and uncomfortably adrift without goals to orient toward and a work community for support. I would guess Ali falls into that group. On the other hand, I like being able to structure my day on the mood of the moment, nap when I want and pursue whatever interests me whenever it does. My life doesn’t need more structure than that.
I find it interesting to learn other people’s experiences of life, including retirement. I don’t have any answers as to how to best retire. It’s like having a blank, unlined piece of paper to fill and no instructions or guidelines as to what should go on the page. There are no answers here, just ways to cope. And everyone is different.
Ali, Waldo and I parted ways as we passed his condo. Waldo and I returned home, Waldo to his balcony and me to my recliner. As Waldo settled onto his throne and I relaxed on mine, we rested in preparation for another day.
But Waldo and I have found our niche.
This is where we belong.